growing pains

In one night I've managed to go over my yearly tear quota x4. Maybe it's just a build-up of past frustrations, or my body's response to my current reality, but whatever it is, it hurts...to let go of security...purpose...hope...confidence..No one said that growing would be easy, but I had no idea it would be this hard. A part of me wants to run away to escape the reminders of failed yesterdays but in time I know I will still have to face the same demons that haunt me no matter where I go. Maybe this is the beginning of my quarter-life crisis, or maybe it's the beginning of an attitude/life check-up that I've been needing since the Big Apple began tearing me down. I can feel the numbness slowly fading and though the pain left behind seems more than I can handle at times, I am grateful to have some feeling back to show I'm still alive.