truth be told

what stops us from saying how we feel? is it the filter in our head? the voice of reason? or just the fear of being hurt? does truth come with any guarantees or just the hope that the truth is now free and we are no longer alone in knowing it? is honesty really the best policy or are they times in which things are better left unsaid?

second thoughts...

Stepping back or moving forward...can you ever really know? Doubt has a way of rearing its ugly head at every possible junction and plays games with your mind until you are too exhausted to fight back anymore.

It's so hard to plan for a future you're not sure can be yours. Sometimes I feel like I'm living between dreams...the one that I wish I could have and the one that I have already lived. Just stuck in the transition that never ends.

Do you remember September?

Here are some snapshots taken while I was back in the city that I will never be able to forget...

NYCountdown

32
days spent back in NYC
30
days of unlimited rides on the MBTA
22
waterfalls seen in Pennsylvania
12
cab rides
10
sandwiches purchased from 7-eleven, hot dogs consumed at Papaya Dog's
5
papaya drinks at Papaya Dog's, church services (3 Origins, 1 Journey, and 1 Brooklyn Tabernacle)
4
rock/pop/folk/singer-songwriter shows (Matt Wertz/Toby Lightman, JET, Merle Dandridge, and Lelia Broussard), episodes of Prison Break
3
classical concerts (opening night of NY Philharmonic's season at Lincoln Center, concert/tv taping of "From the top" at Carnegie Hall, and Regan's Chelsea Symphony Orchestra), new CD's (Songs from a New World, Newsies soundtrack, and Toby Lightman)
2
Broadway musicals (The Color Purple and The Drowsy Chaperone), theater movies (The Last Kiss and Black Dahlia), trips to Central Park (lunch and gelato), episodes of Grey's Anatomy, trips into Brooklyn (DUMBO/Grimaldi's/homemade ice cream on the pier and RMN brunch), incredible brunches on the Upper West Side (Sarabeth's and Good Enough to Eat), unexpected run-ins (Zenith at the Paragon Warehouse sale and Milton while waiting for the 6 train), miles walked from home-subway-work and back every day, pumpkin lattes (gotta love Starbuck's), Jamba Juice smoothies, Korean BBQ meals (I love culpi!), stay-at-home movies (White Chicks and Must Love Dogs), super-talented bosses, new pair of shoes, amaretto sours
1
soulful dinner/music jam at Melba's, trip to the Poconos, 2-hr hike through the woods, walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, celebrity siting (one Rod Stewart), trip to the Palisades, visit to the American Museum of Natural History, sandtart at Serendipity's, mac and cheese party, Yankees game, dumpling night, visit to Astoria, fine-dining "my tastebuds were in heaven" farewell dinner at Fiamma Osteria's, re-/discovery of Popovers at Popover Cafe, drink up at The View (rotating restaurant in the heart of Times Square), comedy club show

and

1,000,000
reasons why I wish I could go back...

keep it loose : keep it tight

Amos Lee couldn't have written it any better...

Sometimes we forget what we got
And who we are and who we are not
I think we got a chance to make it right
Keep it loose
Keep it tight
Keep it tight

Sometimes we forget who we got
Who they are and who they are not

There is so much more in love than black and white
Keep it loose child
Gotta keep it tight
Keep it loose child
Keep it tight
Keep it tight
Keep it tight

Stuck between the depths of my fears and peaks of my pride.

It's all so grey.

...Keep it tight or let it go...

words to ponder

As I met up with Olenka today, she said something that made me stop...

"It's not the things you decide to do but the things you don't do that you regret in life."

It's true.

Everything's Right Tonight

Two words: Matt Wertz. I walked into my sister's room the other night and heard one of his songs playing on her iTunes and now I am officially hooked. For the last 2 hours I've been sitting here at her computer listening to one song after another just soaking it all in. Don't you just love it when you discover a new artist/new song and can't get enough? It's a high unlike any other.

My current fave song...

Everything's Right - Matt Wertz

Windows down as the night blows in
Tap the beat on the wheel as the tires spin
Until we're there crank the radio
We'll join in with the songs we know

Hey, everything's right, said everything's right tonight
Hey, everything's right, said everything's right tonight

Smiles light up as we walk in
Old conversations begin again
Nostalgia's thick as the August air
It takes us back to a time when we didn't care, we didn't care

Hey, everything's right, said everything's right tonight
Hey, everything's right, said everything's right tonight

Oh, everything's right, said everything's right tonight
Hey, everything's right, said everything's right tonight
Hey, everything's right, said everything's right tonight
Hey, everything's right, said everything's right tonight
Hey, everything's right, said everything's right tonight

Everything's right...

The weight of reality

So I'm sad to report that Operation: "I don't wanna look like a pig in my dress come Saturday" is failing miserably. They say that as time goes on you learn more about yourself and one thing that I've come to learn in the last couple of months is that I love eating. Don't get me wrong - there's nothing wrong with enjoying food, but it becomes more of a problem when your metabolism starts slowing down and when buttoning your pants cuts off your circulation. It also doesn't help that I'll have to put on a bridesmaid dress in 2 days and waddle down the aisle in it. Good thing all the attention will be on the bride and groom that day!
I've always been a lover of good food, but I think in recent months this love has multiplied out of control. I think it's because I've been so spoiled with the abundance of good food in Toronto, not to mention my mom's cooking, which I can never get enough of. It would be one thing if I loved just steak, or fresh-baked bread, but to add insult to injury, I've also got an enormous sweet tooth. Crepes, lemon bars, belgian waffles, gelato...so good and yet so bad...:P I think I'm finally starting to understand why "older" people always tell me "I can't afford to eat like that anymore - I'm not young you know", and in some ways it scares me because that means that I'm actually getting old...In any case, I want to enjoy life, so if it means that I have to exercise more to compensate for indulging myself every now and then, by-golly, that's what I'll do!

Viva Fifa!

Honestly, I never really gave soccer the time of day before, but ever since the World Cup started a couple weeks ago, I've been hooked! Maybe it's to fill my void while I wait for the next Olympic games to arrive, but in any case, who knew that soccer could be so exciting! That being said, my fave teams throughout the Cup have been Ghana, Italy, and my all-time fave, England...

Ghana - You exceeded all expectations and did your country proud! What an amazing job at your first World Cup appearance. Looking forward to 2010.


Italy - What an incredible game against Germany today! Though tired, beaten, and bruised (elbows in the eye and so many other moves that should have definitely been yellow-carded), you held it together and showed the world why you ought to be #1 - I'll be cheering for you Sunday!

England - What to say? You did your best against Portugal and it was one intense game. Though Rooney was definitely out of line, it was unfair of the ref to red-card the man and kick him out of the game. Then Beckham's ankle had to give way...I guess it just wasn't meant to be this time 'round, but I applaud you for your effort. Next World Cup I'll be at Wegz cheering you guys on again.

[horn: doot doot....doot doot doot.....doot doot doot doot.....
vox: EN-GLAND!!!]







And last but not least, my fave player of the 2006 Fifa World Cup and England's beloved goalkeeper: Paul Robinson.

Fast reflexes, strong legs, and a killer smile...what more could you ask for? :P